To me the most interesting thread that ran through this blog
that Nishant started three years ago was the story of Nilesh. I definitely found it easier to connect to Nilesh’s
story perhaps because unlike R (who wishes to remain mysteriously anonymous) I
am not a big picture person. To
backtrack slightly, Nilesh was the then 11-year-old boy living in a Pune slum
who Nishant had attempted to mentor under the guidance of R. The interaction between Nishant and Nilesh
was the coming together of two different worlds that live cheek by jowl in
nearly all Indian cities-that of the slums and that of the high-rises. Perhaps the only space where the two worlds
interact is when the slum dwellers enter the world of the haves as maids,
drivers and watchmen. And till his meeting with Nilesh that was the
sum total of Nishant’s interaction with the world of slum dwellers...his was an
attitude of kind but distant politeness to those who came from the slums to
work in his home.
I remember how unsure Nishant was about reaching out and
connecting with Nilesh. Nilesh must have
been just as uncertain about connecting with the world that Nishant came from. All in all it was a rather uneasy coming
together of two very different worlds and though an earnest attempt was made by
Nishant and Nilesh the connect was a short-lived one for many reasons...one of
them being the constraints of time for Nishant only had a few months before he
went away on job training.
Over the three years that passed since then, I had
intermittently wondered how Nilesh’s story was shaping up. Nilesh lives with his mother and grandmother
in a Pune slum. There are no siblings in
his life. There is no father in his
life. He would be 14 years old now. A teenager.
On the cusp of adulthood. How was
he coping? Well, R brought me up to
date. Nilesh is struggling now with the question of continuing or dropping out of school. The decision he wishes
to make is big with huge implications for his future. Nilesh considers
the pursuit of schooling futile but his mother is just as adamant that she
wants him to continue. As of now Nilesh goes to school perhaps on a whim very occasionally.
Is this common to most children living in our city slums? I think it is. My experience of children of daily laborers in Kerala, however, is very different for nearly all of them complete their school education. Why is the ground reality of education so different then in the slums of Maharashtra when compared to Kerala? I'll come back to this in a future post.
In 2009 caught in a hiatus between graduating and beginning
his first job Nishant decided to test some unknown waters. He would work for an NGO…a world of which he
professed complete ignorance other than regarding them as intrepid independent
organisations fighting an entrenched system.
This blog would record his experiences as he interacted with the NGO Saathi.
Nishant’s mentor as he ventured into new territory was a founder member of Saathi.
At the same time Nishant was asked to
mentor Nilesh, an 11 year old growing up in a slum in Pune. This blog would record his experiences as he
interacted with Saathi and Nilesh.
Nishant’s world would touch that of Saathi and Nilesh only
briefly but he gained much in terms of self-belief and knowledge of a world
hitherto unknown. What Nishant brought
to the table was his objectivity (or naiveté) simply because he was an outsider
not entrenched in the NGO world. His
perspective was different and hopefully refreshing.
Perhaps it was this naivete and objectivity that in some
indirect way led to a degree of internal churning and change in Saathi.
The blog that Nishant began has been silent for near on 3
years. Meanwhile the worlds of
Saathi and Nilesh have changed, grown and face new challenges.
In his last post Nishant mentioned the desire to hand the
reins of the blog to someone else. So to
that end I will revive the blog and its two main strands, Saathi and Inheritance India.
The perspective here, therefore, is mine and informed with perhaps as much naivete as Nishant once brought to this
blog as an outsider.
Firstly let me start by thanking the Taj (especially the Learning & Development Department) for suggesting the excellent idea of working with an NGO. I am glad I decided to follow this suggestion because the said period was one of learning and understanding, raw emotion and feelings, and a period graced by the brilliance of human connections. The following is my final blogpost as Roabin’s intern.
The internship is coming to an end….
My very last day involved a visit to an educational institute outside Pune. I am pleased to say that it was a good last day (I will elaborate later regarding the visit). My internship with Roabin started off with a few ideas, but no well defined goals. One of my very first telephonic conversations with him involved my telling him I wanted to contribute and that I wanted to get on the path to happiness (http://nishantvp.blogspot.com/2009/09/pursuit-of-happiness.html). Over time, after I was introduced to Nanda ma’am & Nilesh and to Saathi, the goals took shape. I mentioned these goals earlier. I’d mentioned that I intended to bring change into the lives of Nanda ma’am and Nilesh. I’d mentioned that I intended to bring certain changes in myself. One goal that I refrained from mentioning earlier (which I have decided to mention now) was that I also intended to help bring change in Saathi.
While my initial aim of teaching Nilesh the basics of English perished quite quickly, we achieved something else that we were not actively seeking. Readers of all previous blog-posts will understand the lessons that were learnt over the past 3 months. All of us gained so much as our relationship developed. I most certainly gained even more. Nilesh received a few tough lessons; lessons that I hope will stick and help him as he grows older. I’m sure that the idea that “to receive attention and interest one must give attention and interest” is something he’s beginning to understand. Nanda ma’am, Aji and I learnt lessons through our interesting discussions regarding equality and other such issues (something I never expected). By going on an outing with me, Nanda ma’am took a step to make sure that she was controlling her insecurities rather than letting them control her. I gained willing support through emotional distress. I even gained a morsel of understanding with regard to the difficulties faced in a slum by women, by single mothers, by ill grandmothers and by children (I use the word “morsel” here specifically to explain that my understanding is limited to what I have seen and limited by what I have not myself experienced). Most importantly, in Nanda ma’am, Nilesh and Aji, I gained three good friends.
As far as bringing change to Saathi is concerned, I am unsure of the results. So with respect to my being refused an internship with Saathi, I’ll simply state what I had desired to achieve in terms of change. I hoped to let it be understood that the purpose of systems was to serve the organization and not run it. While I had been told to “Step outside yourself” I feel people were doing just the opposite by considering the issues I had raised to be personal attacks. I wanted to let them know that I raised those issues only for corrective action and not with the hope of tarnishing anyone’s reputation. Overall I am glad I had the interaction I did with Saathi. I can honestly say I have learnt important & good lessons and this was only possible because Saathi chose to continue to remain engaged with me. I thank them for not shutting down communication.
I am more certain about change in me. I had hoped to be a little less self-absorbed and a little more confident. My internship with Roabin has certainly helped me do that. I’ve taken some steps with that objective in mind. My visit to the educational institute I had mentioned earlier was an example of a step taken with the hope tackling some of these issues. I met wonderful people, both teachers and students, and was so pleased to see the relationship they shared. Students were encouraged to speak out their points of few even if that meant challenging what their teachers said. I also took part in Community Interaction (a requirement at this Institute). The CI involved a visit to a voluntary organization which cares for adults who are mentally challenged. The experience was brilliant. As soon as we entered the premises, the students I had gone with were greeted warmly with hugs from the people staying there. They obviously knew them well. They did not know me, but that didn’t stop them from coming to me and asking me my name. One man, took my bag from my shoulder, put over his shoulder, took my hand in his and led me to the hall where the interactive activities were to take place. That was amazing. The entire experience was wonderful and left me wondering why our colleges and junior colleges did not encourage such activities. We too need to have a requirement in our curriculum directed towards community interaction. It helps us understand the challenges faced by people different from us. We can contribute and hence gain immensely. Our institutes also need to encourage “thinking”, challenging the teachings of the teacher & interacting with them rather than simply listening to what they have to say. Overall the visit was truly enlightening and a step towards tackling my lack of confidence (especially in terms of meeting new people). It is now up to me to continue taking these little steps.
I can say that this internship was truly worthwhile, mostly because of the friends I have made through the process - Nanda ma’am, Nilesh, Aji, Roabin uncle and Lygia aunty to name a few. I do hope to make these friendships long lasting ones. That is most certainly my intention with Nanda ma’am (my plan is to give her a call once a week). I need to thank Roabin for asking me to start this blog and encouraging me to write. Looking at it, I feel genuinely happy. One thing that does make me sad, however, is that I will not be able to give it much time once I join the Taj. Although I do hope to drop in once in a while with a few articles, I would be glad to hand the reins over to someone else for this is a good blog (even if I do say so myself).
Finally…… I need to thank Roabin for asking me, as he did so very often, to dive off the deep end J.
Considering that we’re reaching the last few days of my internship, and hence my last few days in Pune, I decided it would be great to simply go out with Nanda ma’am & Nilesh (of course Nilesh had to be informed that if he created a fuss of any sort and showed reluctance in venturing out with me he’d be dropped with absolutely no reluctance on my part whatsoever - hard lessons to be learnt at every step). So I gave Nanda ma’am a call and told her we’d be going out for a drive in the evening at 7.00 when she’d be free.
This going out thing is something I had mentioned to her before but she was very reluctant then. Earlier the idea of going somewhere with me, just for fun, was something she wasn’t comfortable with. But like I’ve said before, progress was being made everyday with every visit and every phone call. She finally said yes. When I arrived to pick them up, she made no bones about expressing her concern. She said she hadn’t done anything like this before and was just a little worried. I didn’t have any problems with that - at least she was expressing what she felt instead of trying to hide it. I needed to be gentle and so I was. Of all people I feel I should relate to what Nanda ma’am was feeling. I had to relate her insecurity to the insecurity I often feel when in the company of people I think are more intelligent and experienced than me. However, I’ve learnt from my internship that people do need to have a decent level of self respect and should not demean themselves by thinking any less of themselves with respect to other people (I’ve learnt this, now I just have to get into the habit of continuing to think this way.) This is so similar to what I had been trying to teach Nanda ma’am & Aji about my belief that there was no such thing as the “big man” and “small man”.
Nilesh was very pleased, once again to get his car ride. I took them around Kalyaninagar and showed them my house and Jogger’s Park. After that we went to the Baker’s Basket. Nanda ma’am had been talking about mini-pizzas a few days earlier and I thought I’d treat them to that. Unfortunately they were out of mini-pizzas. We had an enjoyable meal nonetheless.
Once back, I dropped in at their home for a little bit to meet Aji. At that point I had a profound feeling of acceptance at their home.
Note - During the drive I told Nanda ma’am that I still wasn't confident about driving at night. As a result, she and Aji made repeated demands that I call them once I reached home safe and sound.
As my internship with Roabin reaches its final few days I have been asked to look back over the past two and a half months and consider the entire experience. I need to look over the entire blog and everything else that has been done during the internship and then determine what is left to be done in the remaining days to come. I determined, thus, that two things needed to be addressed - 1) Traits of my personality which I believed needed focus/change. 2) Things we had started during the internship and now had to give a sense of definiteness or closure.
Personality Traits -
1) As I read my various blog-posts and letters, I realized, from words here and there, that at times I was overly apologetic. Analysis brought us to the conclusion that this may be attributed to my characteristic cautiousness and/or my lack of self belief/confidence. Therefore, this is the first thing I realized needed to be handled. Roabin and I have started this interesting exercise wherein I will be penalized by way of a monetary fine whenever I am overly apologetic are show a lack of confidence in my thoughts and ideas. Maybe this method will work miracles.
2) I am admittedly self absorbed. This is the second personality trait that I believe needs to be addressed. I am so concerned with my limitations, my problems, my issues that I fail to see that my lack of self belief finally affects the work I’m doing with other people. I need to get over myself.
As far as things started go, I thought of 3 things in particular., viz. change in Nanda ma’am & Nilesh, change that Roabin and I wanted to bring about in a few of the members of a particular organization, and change in me. Though progress has been made on the first and last of the three I still need to give closure to these changes, i.e. a sense of completeness and wholeness. I do know positive changes have taken place in Nanda ma’am. She’s shown her generosity by giving. She has also shown an understanding of the belief that all people are equal (a deserved defiance of the Big man - Small man theory). She has shown the ability to reflect and think. Changes in me too are quite noticeable. I’ve done things over the past half and two months that I would have never imagined I’d do. I’ve even develop good friendships. While I still need to work on my self-absorption and lack of confidence I do realize that the answers for these are within me.
Last Wednesday was a tough day and resulted in me feeling quite low in spirits. These feelings carried over to the next day and the day after that. It was at this point that I decided that I would meet Nanda ma’am again. Roabin and I discussed a few issues and we arrived at the conclusion that this meeting with Nanda ma’am would serve several purposes. I could unload the pain just by talking about the issues I had faced and we could see whether Nanda ma’am, who happens to be very busy, would listen and try to give back. In other words we could determine whether this relationship constituted a unidirectional charitable relationship or a mutual friendship.
For starters, Roabin had a conversation with Nanda (though I’d have preferred it if I had been the one who talked to her first) and told her that I was feeling miserable and that I needed someone to talk to. As expected, she questioned him as to why I wanted to talk to her of all people. Roabin’s response was that Nishant connects to very few people (being a social introvert) and since he had connected to Nanda he felt like talking to her. Still a little surprised she agreed to meet me and what a meeting it was.
Once there, I was offered a lunch of rice, dal and fish curry (that typical coastal fish curry made with kokam which is so delicious). Having stuffed myself before the meeting I refused. It turned out to be a remarkable meeting because we had thought provoking discussions which I could never have imagined would have happened 2 months ago. People of Nanda ma’am or Aji’s background have an ingrained belief that the “sahib” is the “big man” whereas they in terms of self-worth are “small”. Aji was very vocal about this opinion of hers. Having worked at many homes she proudly proclaimed the formal distance she’d maintained from her employers as a sign of respect for the “big man”. Her point of view was that this distance needed to be maintained and that it didn’t mean that there were no feelings of fondness or devotion towards the family she was working for (after all she was also a mother to every child at every home she’d worked in). I told her my opinion was that there was no big and small and that Roabin was also of that opinion. Surprisingly, Nanda ma’am agreed wholeheartedly(Progress?? Learning??) At this point Aji responded by saying something to the effect of that old English saying “The Colonel's Lady and Judy O’Grady are sisters under their skins!” Her point was that the respect she gave to her employers was a respect for all that they had achieved in their lives.
Once I spoke to Nanda ma’am about the issues that were tormenting me (which I cannot mention here at this point in time) she gave me her time and her ears and some sound advice. So to answer the question “Did she give me something in return?” Yes she did.
P.S. - I believe Nanda ma'am has asked Aji to speak to me only in Marathi from our next meeting onwards. That just might help me learn the language and its about time!
My readers (whoever you are J) may have understood, from their perusing of all the letters I’d sent to Saathi, that I have been asked to meet their Intern and Volunteer Coordination Team. I do hope I have not conveyed the impression of a tussle between me and the organization. The communication has not been easy because of seemingly contradictory points of view but I do think I’ve shown a willingness to listen to other inputs, ideas and points of view and Saathi has been very patient with me. I’m quite sure that the people working at Saathi have other important issues to deal with. However, the fact that a meeting has been requested is brilliant. I hope that this can be interpreted as a sign that they wish to keep an open mind and that they are keen to take things into account.
How do I prime myself for this meeting? I feel that I need to prepare to be bombarded with numerous questions, and that I need to satiate certain expectations (mostly mine and a few of others). And hence Terror stands in attendance! There must be quite a list of things that need to be done. Roabin tells me that I have the ability to do well at this meeting, and that all I need to do is hone or mould my attitude (with his guidance). Although I agree with him regarding the importance of attitude, and will give that part of it all my very best, I feel that the list includes more (that’s just me being my cautious self). I need to think about what they are likely to ask me at the interview and contemplate what I might say in response. This is one way I’ve always prepared for interviews and I sure can say that this method has a poor success rate. It’s a little difficult to predict what might be asked.
Well…first and foremost I need to take care of that guy; I need to take care of Terror. The question is - how? An answer I’ve been searching for almost too long. How?
I forgot to mention one of the most important occurrences during my visit to Nanda ma'ams home before Diwali. So I'm adding it here. During the visit, Nilesh (finally looking at me while talking with me) asked me to take him for a car ride so that he could buy some fire-crackers. My response was a simple "No"...
I asked him why I should give him a car ride. The question seemed to confuse him. So to make things clearer I told him that I had no reason to help him out in this manner, that once Nilesh showed some interest in the endeavors I hoped to carry out with him then I would reciprocate. I don't know if the lesson stuck (hence the question marks in the title). If not now maybe, just maybe, it'll have some effect later in his life...
A question I needed to ask readers - Am I being too exacting in my efforts to mentor Nilesh, an eleven year old? Or do I need to be relatively firmer with him because, due to the place granted to him by birth, it is a tough life that he has to lead ?
I wasn’t able to meet Nanda ma’am and Nilesh for Diwali, but I made it a point to meet them the day before i.e. on Friday. A lot of thought went into what I was going to do when I met them. I had been thinking about giving them a gift for Diwali, but like I mentioned in my previous post, I was afraid it would be misconstrued as an act of charity. (It is necessary for them to understand that no charity is involved here, that to get they must give in return). Finally, I took the decision of buying her some sweets and giving her some photos of Nilesh that we had captured about a month ago. My justification for that decision was that I would make it clear that this was just a nice gesture for Diwali. On my way to Nilesh’s home, Roabin sent me a an SMS which said that Nanda ma’am had given him a call sounding very excited about my visit (I got the feeling that she was sure I was going to gift them something). This led to a sinking feeling and the big question --- HAD I TAKEN THE CORRECT DECISION?? But then, since the sweets had been bought and the photos developed, I saw no point in turning back. I decided to go ahead and trust the decision I had taken previously.
Having reached their home Nilesh was all too pleased to receive the sweets and photos (I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a little worried at this point). However the visit went well. They loved the photos. And Nanda ma’am gave me a set of bangles, which she got blessed from a temple, for my mother. I was wowed and quite pleased at the gesture since I didn’t expect anything of this. My worries went floating away (at least for now)…
Note: I didn’t think those bangles would suit my Mother or that she would wear them. She’s had them on for about a week now and proven me wrong…
I’d like start by once again thanking you for the patience with which you have been communicating with me. It is more than I should or could have ever hoped for. There are certain issues I would like to put out in the open as I compose this letter. Saying things in a subtle manner is not something I can do easily and so I’m going to make my points obvious. I’m probably preaching to the choir when I say to someone in the NGO field that change is a wonderful and necessary thing. However, it does create vast amounts of discomfort (as the world can see in the USA over the healthcare issue or as I have seen, here in Pune, while dealing with Nanda ma’am and Nilesh). This doesn’t change the fact that all entities, both individuals and organizations, need to be continually evolving to avoid stagnation. I am sure you do not disagree. With respect to that, I would like to ask you, do you think that rules of a universal nature are of any good? I was of the opinion that rules should be flexible as per the demands of a situation. In other words rigidity can be quite restrictive to good results. For example I am told that my connecting with Nanda ma’am and Nilesh would never have happened so early on in an internship process had I started interning with Saathi right from the beginning (due to certain rules & policies). At first, discussions would have taken place and who knows what conclusions would have been arrived at. Yet here I am right now, with a truly amazing connection with this lady (and her mother and son) and no harm has come of it. In fact I feel the results are somewhat the opposite. I cannot say that it has been an all out success. My initial aims of teaching Nilesh are still a work in progress as he continues to show resistance. However it is in no way a failure. If you were to ask Nanda ma’am herself what she feels about this connection I think she is wont to say that she is happy about it (although she did show some resistance to change in the beginning). As such, I feel rules that have been created from lessons learnt in the past, should be flexible as per the varying intricacies of each new situation. If you agree with this, then do you not feel that rigid rules, that most organization subject themselves to, need to be modified?
I was both surprised and pleased to see your latest email***. However, the overriding emotion here was and still is one of absolute terror (a weird collection of emotions to have simultaneously). A feeling probably caused (just a guess) due to the sudden nature of your email and the prior use of words like “highly competitive and selective program”. I have absolutely no idea as to who I will be meeting and what will be expected of me. Therefore, I do not feel like I am on steady ground. I am thankful to Roabin for his constant encouragement without which I probably would have run away from this entire situation (considering the aforementioned fear and the time it took to get connected with Saathi). With regard to your latest email, I was wondering if you could tell me who the Intern & Volunteer Coordination Team comprises of and what is expected to happen at this meeting. That would be of great help.
My brother, who I get to see very rarely (about 10 days in a year), has come home for a brief period this week. Therefore, Roabin and I were having a debate as to the necessity of having this very important meeting in the coming week as well as the importance of my being here in Pune during my brother’s visit. If I had been communicating, right now, with a For-Profit organization I probably would not have raised this issue, not expecting them to understand the importance of human connections. It is because I am communicating with an NGO that I realize the importance of these connections will be understood. My brother’s visit gives me very little free time. The problem here is that I feel this interview is vital and I will need to prepare for it. In this regard I was wondering if it would inconvenience the members of the Intern & Volunteer Coordination Team if the meeting could be scheduled for the next week? I intend to make the best of an opportunity to interact with people at Saathi (even if it ends up being just a single interaction). It would be great to know what you feel about this. I hope to be changed by my experiences with Saathi, I hope to learn and it would be great if this connection we are creating could be symbiotic.
Thanking you,
Yours faithfully,
Nishant
P.S. I comprehend your initial reasons for not giving me feedback on my meetings with Nanda ma’am, but now that we (Saathi and I) are attempting to connect I’d just like to mention that I would be glad if I could still get some guidance. Thank you.
***an email which stated a request for a meeting at Saathi.
I have a little doubt. I planned to give Nanda ma’am and Nilesh some sweets & prints of a few of the photos of them that I had taken for Diwali. The issue is that, like I mentioned before, the whole point of this exercise is to get them to understand that no charity is involved here. They need to give back (just by showing interest) in order to receive. So then should I or shouldn’t I give them those things. Well that depends on whether the gesture will be looked at as an act of charity or just as a part of my wished to them for Diwali. I want it to be solely the latter.
As far as their showing me interest is concerned, Nanda ma’am has stepped up to the plate. She talks quite eagerly, and had even asked me to have dinner with them the day I had visited. Nilesh on the other hand isn’t showing interest. But am I expecting a little too much out of an eleven year old. When I was at their home, he came around a couple of times, and refused to look at me while talking to me. However, that didn’t hinder conversation between all of us. Nilesh, however, continued to show complete refusal to meet me. (He was quite willing to visit my house to learn on the computer, but not without his friends). We’ll have to see where this goes. I wonder how I can manipulate (manage may be a better word) the situation, so that he wishes to come.
It’s been quite some time since my last post. There are certain issues that need sorting out. I’d like to make it clear that we are not at a complete standstill when it comes to Nanda ma’am. I met her again on the 13th at her home. Her mother and Nilesh were also present. There was some clear evidence of how her formal and not-so-comfortable behavior in my presence was beginning to die down. To explain this I guess I need to rewind the story by a few days and play it out for all the readers. After we had planned a visit to Nilesh’s school (which never materialized) all communication stopped once again for a couple of days. Since a lot of all this is an exercise in making both Nanda ma’am and Nilesh understand that nothing in life comes for free, and that they need to give, in order to get, I decided not to call them and wait for her to call. She needed to show some interest.
That call never really came. She did however, talk to Roabin, after which I gave her a call. Our conversations from here on took on a lighter tone. There was a lot more laughing and giggling. She had this epiphany of sorts that she could make jokes and take jabs at both Roabin and me and fear no admonishment - it would all be taken in good humor. And hence she started having fun with her conversations. We rescheduled a visit and I went to her home to meet her and her ailing mother. I still remember how during my first visit Nanda ma’am refused to sit at the same level I was sitting at, despite my insistence, and chose to sit on the floor instead. This time around, her mother (who met me for the first time) behaved in a similar manner, but Nanda ma'am didn’t. She didn’t mind sitting at the same level. Now, to my eyes that's a step in the forward direction!!
Before I go ahead with my clarifications I’d just like to say how grateful I am to you for giving me so much of your time. I realize that you really do not have to do so. Therefore, I thank you for being so considerate.
You mentioned that the minimum period for the internship is three months when I said that I would have time up to the end of November. My response, through the form, was that I had been receiving intensive training and learning right from the 25th of August with the help of a founder member of the organization. It was however then clearly stated that this did not mean that I was interning with Saathi. But the fact remains that I was and still am receiving unique training. I began meeting an 11 year old from a slum viz. Nilesh and his mother very early on in the training process. I know that all of this, as you said, was not done by going through the formal channels. An exceptional experience is taking place nonetheless. Although Saathi doesn’t have any current projects in Pune, I know that it is currently debating the issue of starting projects in other places as well. This would be a great place to learn how. As for the regular interaction you have mentioned, I would love to take part in any such interaction, both face-to-face and otherwise. I am not attempting to discount the value of face-to-face interaction; however I believe a lot of interaction will be possible everyday by way of telephonic conversations. I am also willing to make visits to Mumbai as and when necessary to ensure that face-to -face interaction does take place. I would also like to mention here that I have been receiving a great deal of supervision and mentorship over the past 45 days from Roabin who has played this role many times over for a large number of Saathi’s staff as well as interns in the past and continues to do so even now. Roabin tells me how he himself has learnt so much from Saathi and this is the reason why I wanted to bring Saathi into the picture too.
On the money issue, I’d like to reiterate that I will not require to be reimbursed for expenses that are made while I am in Pune. Accommodation and transport within Pune are not issues for me. I hope I do not come across as arrogant, but I did not understand how never having done something (paying interns for transport) becomes a reason for never starting to do so when genuine issues present themselves.
Although making a compromise and deciding to volunteer instead of asking for a full fledged internship is interesting, I believe it would be like asking me to make a choice between what I think is right and what I think is easy. As per my understanding, volunteering would involve me giving limited time to the organization as per its requirement. Unlike an internship, volunteering would not be mutually beneficial or a mutual learning experience. I once again request that you accept the applicant information form and put it under consideration.
Thanking you,
Yours faithfully,
Nishant Philip
P.S. - I would also like to reiterate the questions pertaining to my blog. I truly fail to understand why I am told that my blogposts are often inaccurate and inappropriate which throws me into a state of confusion over the matter, and yet I am not even given a hint as to what Saathi believes I ought to do to maintain accuracy. I have been pleading for simple suggestion for a long time now. I have been told that it’s a risk that Saathi is unwilling to take. I don’t understand this as well because I am not asking people to give me orders, just suggestions. Why the caution, when the final decision for any actions taken would be mine?
I’m writing letter this with reference to my email to you on the 23rd of September 2009. Through that email I had promised to send you the completed application form ASAP. I apologize for not having done so. Since you had said the form would only be considered after the 10th of October I made an unwise decision to delay the task. Once again I apologize for displaying my naïveté in this regard.
I just received firm admonishment from Roabin for the same reasons, which got me quite worried. However, having administered the said admonishment, he told me that you would have anticipated this situation and that you would, in all probability, have already considered putting the issue of my internship on the agenda for your next meeting. I do promise to send you the completed form by the end of tomorrow.
I understand if you want individual communication to remain individual. As per your wishes none of your future responses to my emails will be posted on the blog. My viewpoint was that the posting of any communication between us would give blog readers a clear idea as to how my relationship with the people at Saathi developed and make the blog all the more interesting. One of the main purposes of this blog is to bring to light to everyday people how they could contribute to, or relate with, an organisation like Saathi. I believe that the internet is a formidable medium to connect with people, especially the youth. I simply wanted to use that to our advantage.
However, I still request you to accept my blog invitation and put up anything you like on the blog. I believe your contributions and suggestions would be invaluable.
I apologize for the usage of the words "thereby with Saathi". I was under the impression that that is what my internship with Roabin meant. I will try in the future not to so display my naïveté. I do promise to look through the application form and send it across ASAP.
Sorry for the delay. Weekends, birthdays and Deutsche classes came up. I had a telephonic conversation with Nanda ma’am on Friday, and we then thought of ways to proceed with the entire situation. Like I mentioned in my previous blog-post, we realized that there were a range of new problems obstructing our way forward. (The usage of the word “new” is probably incorrect as these problems were always there; it’s just that they have now been made visible for us to see. Understanding this is crucial as it tells us that there may be other underlying problems of which we are still unaware.)
We decided that I would visit Nilesh’s school along with her for a start and then move on to other things. However, Roabin wishes for me to pay all my attention towards connecting with Nanda ma’am as he believes directing my efforts towards Nilesh will not bear any fruit due to the erratic behavior he displayed not too long ago. Connecting with Nanda ma’am and giving Nilesh “the ignore”, may actually lead to him desiring more attention, and if that were to happen then we would, all the 3 of us, have this great connection. However, Nanda ma’am herself seems quite reluctant to move in this direction. She hasn’t really said this, but one can easily understand from certain words and gestures. She wants to move forward using Nilesh as the focus of attention. She doesn’t really know how to connect with me and probably feels awkward about it. However, she is not alone in feeling this way. Earlier we had common ground in Nilesh. She was his mother and I was the person trying to connect with him. Now when that “common ground” is removed we have to develop a completely new understanding of how we communicate with each other…
We’ve had a breakthrough of sorts. Nanda ma’am wasn’t answering the calls that we were trying to make for the past couple of days. However, Roabin managed to get across yesterday and had a long and enlightening conversation with her. We had realized that something wasn’t right when all communication with her had come to a momentary stand still. She was obviously facing an internal struggle of some kind and was, as a result, showing resistance. (We took that as a good sign - her resistance was symptomatic of the advent of changes in her life)
It turns out that societal scrutiny wasn’t the only thing boggling her mind. She revealed other underlying troubles as well. One fact was that she believed Nilesh lacked confidence to meet me by himself. Initially I was taken aback at hearing this. However, considering how edgy I myself get while meeting new people, I deemed it understandable. Nanda ma’am was of the opinion that if Nilesh were to meet me in the future it would have to be in her company. The fact that she said all of this showed that there was deep thought and understanding on her part with regard to the entire situation. She went on to say that this inference posed other bigger problems for her. Being a single parent, and the sole bread-winner, her work took up most of her time and came second to nothing. She really couldn’t take repeated breaks from her work just to accompany Nilesh in our meetings. That would mean risking losing her job.
We had already seen problems with regard to Nanda maam’s work. We’d seen how the constant requirement for her to attend to work had led to inattention towards Nilesh. It’s something she really couldn’t help. So while she was at work there was no one playing the role of the disciplining hand in Nilesh’s life. The little time she had with him she used to pamper him (after all he is her only child). With no one to watch over him in these his young impressionable years, things had already begun to go wrong. He was showing anger and refusal to listen to his mother. He was also exhibiting all the signs of being spoilt. This was leading to other problems. Nanda ma’am felt forced to be stricter. However, slapping and other such methods aren’t really any good because it is this disciplinary style of beating children that advocates violence in all the youth that come from slums.
The added problem was that she didn’t know what to choose. There wasn’t any choice really. Work had to be priority. Leaving work for the child’s sake was out of the question. This brings to light so many of the differences in the way of life in different strata of society. Here we learn about the difficulty of raising a child in a slum but also of doing so by playing the role of a single parent. In a more complete family the parents can communicate and share the responsibility of helping their child. Work needn’t or may not come in the way.
So then our brick wall has taken newer dimensions. Clambering up this one may be a lot more arduous. Any Suggestions?
Hey there! I apologise for not posting anything on the blog for a little while. I’m posting this now because I wanted to update readers about what is going on, on the Nanda ma’am and Nilesh front. After Nilesh’s second disappearance it was decided that I would try and connect with Nanda ma’am and pay no attention to Nilesh. We assumed that in doing so Nilesh would later desire attention and voluntarily join our meetings and as such the whole experience would be fruitful for not only Nilesh and me, but Nanda ma’am as well.
Here too certain problems arose. I was to meet Nanda ma’am during the time of Navratri but somehow she always had a reason not to participate. I was getting the hint, so I probed further and she revealed to me her worries about what people would say about this young man who was coming to meet her almost everyday. She was afraid of the questions people in the slum would ask. After all, however much we may proclaim our own independence, we are all afflicted (to a certain degree) with society’s constant gaze and policing. Why should the case be any different for her?
And so Nanda ma’am displayed resistance to our efforts- a resistance to change. Change is indeed a very difficult thing, but absolutely necessary. So then we’ve reached a Brick Wall. However, as Randy Pausch (lecturer from Carnegie Melon famous for "The Last Lecture") once said - "Brick walls are there for a reason. They help us prove (and learn) how badly we want something."
Hope we can clamber up this brick wall and move forward.
Once again, as I had expected, Nilesh was there waiting for me even before I had arrived. This only happened on those rare occasions when he expected something fun in store for him. Also, as I had expected, he brought Raymond and Vishal along with him. I was wrought by confusion the moment I saw the three of them. Questions riddled my mind. The major uncertainty was whether I would be breaching all protocol by taking these kids to my home. I did promise them a video and a car ride, so doing nothing was really not an option. And then there was the glimmer of hope that Nilesh just might get interested and stay interested.
So then I got them seated in the car and we were off. They seemed to love the drive and were also quite eager to see the video once we got home (I’m referring to the video that I have embedded on the blog post “My First Meeting with Nilesh”). Once that was done they wanted to play a few computer games (Unfortunately I had very few of those having lost interest in them quite some time ago). They had fun nonetheless playing Last Bronx and Roadrash. Once all this was done it was time to take them home.
Who was I kidding anyway?? What I’d just done was that I’d given a kid a chocolate and was simply happy too see him come running. How else could this be interpreted? This wasn’t going to have any long term effect.
My worries were not baseless. He did arrive the next day to meet me. However, I can attribute that to the after-effects of chocolate consumption. The days that followed showed absolutely no signs of Nilesh. We were back to square one.
Still eagerly awaiting suggestions. Haven’t lost hope yet.
Hope you’re doing well! Since you are the only person at the Saathi office who I can even remotely refer to as my “go-to” person, I’m begging you for help. I am facing a dilemma of sorts. Actually I'm facing dilemmas of many sorts. There is the problem with Nilesh. He just refuses to try. Then there is the fact that I'm getting rebuffed, rebuked and repudiated by every new person I meet, every step of the way. Well, maybe thats an exaggeration. As you can guess from the tone of my words, I'm groveling here.
Could you please, please ask people at the Saathi office to take a look at the blog (I sent you the link in an earlier email). Maybe they could read what I've written about Nilesh and suggest something. I'm sure I'd get brilliant ideas on how to help Nilesh.
Also there is another thing. I keep getting the feeling that I'm over-burdening you. If so please let me know. I'll understand completely. How can I not understand. I've seen how hard you work. Its just that its a little strange, not having gotten a response from you for so long.
Hoping that you will reply soon,
Thanks,
Nishant
P.S. - I’d like to put this letter, and your response to it, on my blog, along with any written communication between us that is to follow. I've done the same with Roabin. Thanks again.
Now there’s just one word for this, and racking my brain really won’t do me any good here. It’s plain and simple COOL. Most people, often very busy with their own professional lives, don’t have the time to put into action their thoughts about “giving”. There are lots of people out there who most certainly want to help but just don’t know how. That is the reason why The Joy of Giving Week is such a brilliant thing. It’s an excellent platform for everyone to connect and contribute in their own personal way. And by that I really do mean everyone, not just corporates and NGOs but children, youth and individuals too. One thing, however, must be understood here. No contribution is small. So if you think you have something worthy of giving, just get up, go out there and do it! If you need details just visit the following link -
You can also do your own thing, just like the site says - organising a clothes collection drive in your building or college, volunteering 3-4 hours a week to an NGO and many other things. Its all about the power of the individual to make a difference.
The Joy of Giving Week Starts on Sep 27th and continues till Oct 3rd. So go out and experience the JOY. P.S. - Remember, it doesn't just have to be a week...
I realize that you have visited my blog. Firstly, thank you for doing so. Did you find it interesting? I’d love some feedback from you. I sent you an invite to contribute to the blog because I thought it would make the blog all the more worthy of note and also because anything on the blog that comes from you would surely be of great help.
As you already know, I have been interning with Roabin, and thereby with Saathi, since the beginning of September. I wanted to request Saathi to help me complete all the formalities required to make my internship with them official.
Thanks,
Nishant Philip
P.S. - I’d like to put this letter, and your response to it, on my blog, along with any written communication between us that is to follow. Thanks again.
What is Nilesh thinking? Why the sudden desire to throw away all that which he said he desired so much? Why does WYSIWYG not holding true here? The only bases for analysis are my three meetings with Nilesh and my conversation with Nanda ma’am.
One thing I can gauge is that Nilesh may have felt embarrassed by how fast his younger friends were picking up what I wanted him to learn, while he was struggling to do so. I did, however, try to reassure him that it would take time and that we were in no hurry.
Another point could be that all the interest he displayed was actually a symptom of camera craze. Maybe his interest lay only in the camera, his newest toy. In the manner characteristic of children, once his interest in the camera waned so did his attention. This raises a number of problems as it shows disinterest on Nilesh’s part to grab hold of opportunities or take things seriously (however, I do need to remind myself that he is an eleven year from time to time)
Or maybe it’s the company he keeps, as his mother tells me, all his friends have shown no interest in education, and some have even dropped out at a very young age. They’re probably encouraging him to avoid all of this and go have fun! (the thing here is that I’ve told Nilesh that we need only meet 5 days a week, for an hour a day. I’ve made it clear that he can still go play with his friends because play is important.)
I should have realized that things were moving forward all too smoothly. No journey in life is ever that smooth. There are bound to be hiccups and road-blocks all along the way. And guess what?? I recently met my very first road-block! So let me state my problem --
For two consecutive days I made my way to the park and on both days Nilesh did not arrive. I spent almost an hour at the park in waiting each day, only to end up feeling ever so slightly snubbed. Nanda ma’am told me that Nilesh wasn’t feeling well. However, a day or too later that reason transformed into an outright refusal to come and meet me. As most anyone can guess, I was a little shocked, and for a person who tends to take things at a very personal level, I was a little hurt as well. Be that as it may, there was no time to be wasted. This problem had to be tackled sooner than later. In that spirit (and with a little advice from Roabin) I arranged a meeting with Nanda ma’am.
When she arrived at the park, she brought Nilesh along with her (something that I had expected might happen). We sat down together and I tried to have a conversation with Nilesh. But this wasn’t the Nilesh I knew. This seemed to be some other kid. The Nilesh I met had always been sweet and had always listened. That was not what he was doing now! He refused to look at me as I talked and refused to respond. His “Yes I want to learn English” turned into an out-and-out “NO I DO NOT”. At one point he stormed out of the park with an outburst of anger, and so, a little stunned, I turned my attention towards Nanda ma’am.
She was quite frank and didn’t seem wary about laying all her problems bare in front of me. She relayed her fears regarding Nilesh and what he might become as he grows up. I could see the worry in her eyes. And she could see similar emotions in mine. Here I was, supposedly the mentor, and all this was turning out to be the perfect mood dampener. I was not playing my role well in the least bit. The situation Nilesh was facing was quite upsetting. To me he seemed a victim of his circumstances. Here in the slum, his idols, the teenage boys, were telling him to do the exact opposite of what he was being told by his mother or by me. And as an eleven year old he, like his friends, believed that fun was more important than work and opportunity. It seemed like everything around him was asking him to fail, was begging him to fall into the rut that the others he knew were falling into…
I was in a fix and as a result I resorted to something I later realized was sheer bribery. I showed Nilesh the car I had arrived in that day and offered to take him for a ride and show him the video of our first meeting on the internet to regain his interest….having made this promise I left for the day…remembering only how his face had lit up at the prospect of a car ride…
Once again I beg for your comments & suggestions. Bye for now.Tschüß.Auf Wiedersehen.
After our first meeting and the trouble I had making Nilesh understand a few words in English, I had a conversation with Roabin. He suggested that I could try and teach Nilesh English by talking to him only in English thereby compelling him to learn; a method tried and tested by many a foreign language institute teaching basic levels of a foreign language (I’ve been learning German quite well in this manner from Inlingua). My mother, a lady of vast teaching experience, gave me an idea as to how I could help Nilesh start a project of sorts. I was to hand him the digi-cam and ask him to go camera-happy all around the park. I told him we would do the same at his house the next day and we would make a scrap book of the pictures that I would later hand over to him.
So our meeting on this day involved a lot of photography and games. This was the approach I had chosen i.e., to have fun with Nilesh, keep him interested and thus gain his trust. After this connection was established I could attempt to give him a few lessons. Towards the latter half of our meeting I sat him down again and spoke to him in English. I made an effort to speak slowly & clearly with signs as an aid to convey the meanings. At times I had to break in to Hindi because the conversation wouldn’t get anywhere. An interesting fact was that one of Nilesh’s friends, who was much younger than Nilesh, was answering my questions and picking up words at a more brisk pace. Nilesh on the other hand wasn’t able to catch on. That did get me a little worried. Once again not wanting to strain the newly developed connection I decided that we could resume our attempts the next day.
Our third day was by far the most interesting. I’d promised Nilesh the day before that I would go to his home for my next visit. Nilesh arrived at the park before me for the very first time, looking very eager and excited. This time too he brought along a string of friends. Once at the slum, the kids took me around to every nook and cranny that held any importance to them. They showed me the play area near the rail tracks behind the slum, the gymnasium, the common idol room, and even their adopted kittens. Another favorite spot was the make-shift “Parallel Bars” that the children used, where Nilesh and Raymond showed me their gymnastic skills worthy of the Olympic Games. Nilesh and Vishal also proudly displayed their photography skill to all their friends and we were able to take some really good photos.
One of the most wonderful things about this experience was how happy he seemed when we arrived at his home. Nilesh’s home was extremely small- a single very compact room. It was about the size of a bathroom of most any middle-class family house, with a small bed forced into one corner, a television and cabinet with pictures of Gods and Goddesses in another corner. Just next to that was a little rack with all the plates followed by a small gas burner which constituted the kitchen.
Nanda ma’am politely offered me sweet tea and pohe. Eating with Nilesh and his friends at his home was a unique experience for me, having never been in a slum before, let alone eat a meal in one. This certainly was an experience to remember.
Will write again. Bye for now. Tschüß. Auf Wiedersehen.
When Roabin informed me that I was to mentor an 11 year old child, Nilesh, the entire thing came as a bit of a surprise to me. Up till then I was doing a lot of soul searching, writing about my experience at the Saathi office, and venturing, as a learner, into the field of video editing. I never expected that I would be doing something like this so soon. Unfortunately I didn’t look at it as an opportunity immediately. No. I was my usual apprehensive self. Being a self-proclaimed introvert, I had absolutely no clue as to what I would do when I met Nilesh and his mother. Roabin delivered to me a set of very basic instructions, regarding sensitivity and respect (I would’ve been glad if it hadn’t been so very basic. Even though I oppose the idea of a rigid structure or strict protocol, in contradiction to that fact, I am also someone who revels in being told what to do. Maybe that’s because the former involves quick decision making, which is something that requires a lot of gumption). I was to refer to Nilesh’s mother, Nanda, as Nanda ma’am at all times. I was told that the object of this endeavor was to gain the trust of Nilesh and his mother. It was by gaining their trust that I could allow them to lower their guard against me and truly understand them. And by understanding I myself would be able to figure out what I could do to help Nilesh. This process is as complex and intricate as it sounds.
After being given these details by Roabin, I was left to ponder what I was going to plan for our first meeting. Pondering took me nowhere and I finally decided I would just meet Nilesh and Nanda ma’am, introduce myself and just have a conversation. As per instruction I also took my camera along. I was initially wary of doing so, unwilling to create unfounded suspicions, but Roabin was of the opinion that the camera would play a role of an object of interest for Nilesh and would help me connect with him. And he was right.
I reached the designated area, a park, on time. Nilesh wished to see me at the park to create a better first impression than he believed he could achieve at his home. The fact that this kid was already trying impressed me deeply. He had, quite cleverly, brought along a friend, a peer, to keep him company while he tried to get to know this strange new guy. Once Nanda ma’am gave me the “go ahead”, I brought out the camera, and started filming. He was initially embarrassed to answer questions in front of the camera, but once I told him to pretend he was an actor he overcame his embarrassment marginally. I involved both Nilesh and his friend Vishal in the filming of their introductions. Vishal, having studied in an English medium school and being 2 years older, was quite confident speaking about himself and his ambitions. His desire was to become a pilot. Nilesh, on the other hand was undecided as to what he wanted to become. Hopefully he was reassured once I told him I faced a similar dilemma and that as long as we gave the issue sincere thought there was nothing to worry about.
The camera turned out to be a great way to connect with the children and keep them interested. Initially they were all too glad to pose, but were before long captivated by the functioning of the camera, and as children to, they picked up its functioning and use rapidly. It was at this point that I tried to teach him 2 basic introductory lines. While he could say “My name is Nilesh” perfectly, the sentence “My age is eleven” proved to be too difficult. We made an attempted to say the sentences repeatedly. I later learnt the follies of this method were manifold. Not only was it getting us nowhere, he was also learning by rote and I wasn’t keeping things interesting. Not wishing to overburden him I called it a day. Nilesh seemed to be quite pleased with our meeting and as we said our goodbyes I decided tomorrow would be a new day, and another chance for another attempt.
P.S: I would to be grateful to receive suggestions as to how I could help Nilesh learn English and also attempt to help him understand the things he could achieve in his future.
What does one expect to encounter on their first day at a Non-Governmental Organization? For someone who has had absolutely no interaction with the world of activists, of social workers and that of NGOs, the virgin NGO experience can be expected to cause much bewilderment. With the hustle and bustle of purposeful individuals going about their work with determination, the “new guy” cannot expect to be given much import. Saathi turned out to be a little bit of the expected and a lot of the unexpected. The very first thing I learnt in my attempt to get to Saathi was enlightening and does deserve mention - NGOs are no longer charitable organizations. Now that’s something I didn’t know. In the work of an NGO, there are no givers separate from receivers. It is a natural human tendency for an individual, who gives to someone in need, to feel a conscious or subconscious sense of superiority; after all he/she is the one who gives while the other, the needy, receives. However, in Saathi it is well understood that the givers are also receivers, and I am to experience that first hand in the days to come.
One thing that I sought to do ever since I participated in conversations that led to my commitment with Saathi, was to compare the experience of working for an NGO with that of working for a large multi-national corporation. My basis for comparison lay in the fact that I was about to commence working for the former and have had an opportunity to work through 5 months for the latter (in the field of hospitality). What was evident on that very first day was the difference in the basic operational structure of the organizations. Operations in a large corporation were bound by a rigid skeleton i.e. any and every event called for action as per strict protocol laid down by the heads of the organization. This may be attributed to the sheer numbers that these large corporations were dealing with and their profit driven policies. These companies couldn’t risk giving their employees a little leeway to express themselves through their work, for fear that it would lead to non-uniformity in brand standards and eventually cause large scale problems. This notion is considered by some as erroneous as it causes individuals to conform with pre-conceived ideas and hence become just another block in the grand structure of the organization (any one trying to understand what I’m saying here should listen to the song “Little Boxes” by Malvina Reynolds or Pete Seeger - I've embedded the video from youtube) -
I am told that I can expect the Saathi experience to be diametrically opposite to that in a large corporation. And I did see an example of this on my very first day. The surprising fact was that the day I was to arrive at Saathi would also be the day when the organization would take important decisions regarding the course of its future. The decisions that were being taken were indeed of paramount importance. The interesting thing was how the organization wasaccepting, understandingandeducatingthe opinions of each of its members, taking all factors into consideration and moving forward to make the crucial decisions. This may be because of Saathi’s smaller numbers in terms of staff, but I do hope that in the future even after this NGO expands to wider and greater horizons this part of its character does not change. That is going to be a task of herculean proportions, but worthy of the effort.
I was given to understand that, while in a corporation I would have to mould myself to fit in the organizational framework, in Saathi the organization would mould itself to embrace my qualities and abilities. And thus came about the tasks for my first day - writing. Most of the day required me to take pictures around the Saathi office to convey a variety of messages. Photography, though not really something I claim to be skilled at, was enjoyable. It did involve my meeting many of the project members and coordinators. They were very welcoming of this stranger who was filming them once they were informed that the reasons were quite innocent. My rescuer, in this respect, happened to be Ruth. If I am going to write about the people who work at Saathi, I guess I should start with her. Ruth did a marvelous job of clarifying the doubts of questioning eyes, thereby protecting me from any admonishment. Being the first person that I met at the Saathi office, she created the first and most lasting impression about the organization. She was friendly, welcoming and very considerate, though always quite busy. Since my first day also happened to be an important day of meetings, she told me I wasn’t to get a formal orientation and that my initiation was to be a unique experience as the members didn’t really have the time to put their guard up against me.
When the meeting began, I attempted to film the crucial moments i.e. the discussions that involved the transfer of power. No sooner did all this happen, than an objection was brought up. A well spoken, confident and quite stern lady questioned the purpose of the filming and remained dissatisfied with the response given. Although there was a momentary feeling that I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing, these thoughts soon gave way to a feeling of being disconnected with the essence of the objection raised. The filming was halted from that moment on and only resumed after Roabin arrived. It was at this point that I met Brijesh. Roabin asked both me and Ruth to advise him on how he could announce to the rest of the Saathi group that he would like to take Saathi forward into the political arena and convince them all that this was indeed a good idea. Suddenly being asked to handle something like this without any prior intimation was like being asked to dive off the deep end or like being left to flail in the sea. Ruth, being more accustomed to such methods handled the situation better and told me it would take a little getting used to. The crux of the meeting was that Roabin, recently appointed CEO of Saathi, desired to be relieved of the post and to appoint someone else in that position. Initially the age-old debate about power in the hands of a group and power in the hands of an individual was carried out. Thereafter a new CEO, viz. Valerie, was chosen and a process involving gradual succession was discussed.
At the end of the day, many of the questions I had hoped to ask remain half-answered. But then again, this journey has just started. It is only by going forward that I can truly understand the dynamics of an NGO like Saathi and the people who work in it. One thing I feel I can expect - that’s serendipity.
