Preparation - Step 1

My readers (whoever you are J) may have understood, from their perusing of all the letters I’d sent to Saathi, that I have been asked to meet their Intern and Volunteer Coordination Team. I do hope I have not conveyed the impression of a tussle between me and the organization. The communication has not been easy because of seemingly contradictory points of view but I do think I’ve shown a willingness to listen to other inputs, ideas and points of view and Saathi has been very patient with me. I’m quite sure that the people working at Saathi have other important issues to deal with. However, the fact that a meeting has been requested is brilliant. I hope that this can be interpreted as a sign that they wish to keep an open mind and that they are keen to take things into account.

How do I prime myself for this meeting? I feel that I need to prepare to be bombarded with numerous questions, and that I need to satiate certain expectations (mostly mine and a few of others). And hence Terror stands in attendance! There must be quite a list of things that need to be done. Roabin tells me that I have the ability to do well at this meeting, and that all I need to do is hone or mould my attitude (with his guidance). Although I agree with him regarding the importance of attitude, and will give that part of it all my very best, I feel that the list includes more (that’s just me being my cautious self). I need to think about what they are likely to ask me at the interview and contemplate what I might say in response. This is one way I’ve always prepared for interviews and I sure can say that this method has a poor success rate. It’s a little difficult to predict what might be asked.

Well…first and foremost I need to take care of that guy; I need to take care of Terror. The question is - how? An answer I’ve been searching for almost too long. How?

A Lesson for Nilesh???

I forgot to mention one of the most important occurrences during my visit to Nanda ma'ams home before Diwali. So I'm adding it here. During the visit, Nilesh (finally looking at me while talking with me) asked me to take him for a car ride so that he could buy some fire-crackers. My response was a simple "No"...

I asked him why I should give him a car ride. The question seemed to confuse him. So to make things clearer I told him  that I had no reason to help him out in this manner, that once Nilesh showed some interest in the endeavors I hoped to carry out with him then I would reciprocate.  I don't know if the lesson stuck (hence the question marks in the title). If not now maybe, just maybe, it'll have some effect later in his life...

A question I needed to ask readers - Am I being too exacting in my efforts to mentor Nilesh, an eleven year old? Or do I need to be relatively firmer with him because, due to the place granted to him by birth, it is a tough life that he has to lead ?

A Gesture Reciprocated

                    I wasn’t able to meet Nanda ma’am and Nilesh for Diwali, but I made it a point to meet them the day before i.e. on Friday. A lot of thought went into what I was going to do when I met them. I had been thinking about giving them a gift for Diwali, but like I mentioned in my previous post, I was afraid it would be misconstrued as an act of charity. (It is necessary for them to understand that no charity is involved here, that to get they must give in return). Finally, I took the decision of buying her some sweets and giving her some photos of Nilesh that we had captured about a month ago. My justification for that decision was that I would make it clear that this was just a nice gesture for Diwali. On my way to Nilesh’s home, Roabin sent me a an SMS which said that Nanda ma’am had given him a call sounding very excited about my visit (I got the feeling that she was sure I was going to gift them something). This led to a sinking feeling and the big question --- HAD I TAKEN THE CORRECT DECISION?? But then, since the sweets had been bought and the photos developed, I saw no point in turning back. I decided to go ahead and trust the decision I had taken previously.

                    Having reached their home Nilesh was all too pleased to receive the sweets and photos (I would be lying if I said I didn’t get a little worried at this point). However the visit went well. They loved the photos. And Nanda ma’am gave me a set of bangles, which she got blessed from a temple, for my mother. I was wowed and quite pleased at the gesture since I didn’t expect anything of this. My worries went floating away (at least for now)…

Note: I didn’t think those bangles would suit my Mother or that she would wear them. She’s had them on for about a week now and proven me wrong…

Letter to Valerie (dated 20th October '09)

Dear Valerie,

                     I’d like start by once again thanking you for the patience with which you have been communicating with me. It is more than I should or could have ever hoped for. There are certain issues I would like to put out in the open as I compose this letter. Saying things in a subtle manner is not something I can do easily and so I’m going to make my points obvious. I’m probably preaching to the choir when I say to someone in the NGO field that change is a wonderful and necessary thing. However, it does create vast amounts of discomfort (as the world can see in the USA over the healthcare issue or as I have seen, here in Pune, while dealing with Nanda ma’am and Nilesh). This doesn’t change the fact that all entities, both individuals and organizations, need to be continually evolving to avoid stagnation. I am sure you do not disagree. With respect to that, I would like to ask you, do you think that rules of a universal nature are of any good? I was of the opinion that rules should be flexible as per the demands of a situation. In other words rigidity can be quite restrictive to good results. For example I am told that my connecting with Nanda ma’am and Nilesh would never have happened so early on in an internship process had I started interning with Saathi right from the beginning (due to certain rules & policies). At first, discussions would have taken place and who knows what conclusions would have been arrived at. Yet here I am right now, with a truly amazing connection with this lady (and her mother and son) and no harm has come of it. In fact I feel the results are somewhat the opposite. I cannot say that it has been an all out success. My initial aims of teaching Nilesh are still a work in progress as he continues to show resistance. However it is in no way a failure. If you were to ask Nanda ma’am herself what she feels about this connection I think she is wont to say that she is happy about it (although she did show some resistance to change in the beginning). As such, I feel rules that have been created from lessons learnt in the past, should be flexible as per the varying intricacies of each new situation. If you agree with this, then do you not feel that rigid rules, that most organization subject themselves to, need to be modified?

               

                     I was both surprised and pleased to see your latest email***. However, the overriding emotion here was and still is one of absolute terror (a weird collection of emotions to have simultaneously). A feeling probably caused (just a guess) due to the sudden nature of your email and the prior use of words like “highly competitive and selective program”. I have absolutely no idea as to who I will be meeting and what will be expected of me. Therefore, I do not feel like I am on steady ground. I am thankful to Roabin for his constant encouragement without which I probably would have run away from this entire situation (considering the aforementioned fear and the time it took to get connected with Saathi). With regard to your latest email, I was wondering if you could tell me who the Intern & Volunteer Coordination Team comprises of and what is expected to happen at this meeting. That would be of great help.

                      My brother, who I get to see very rarely (about 10 days in a year), has come home for a brief period this week. Therefore, Roabin and I were having a debate as to the necessity of having this very important meeting in the coming week as well as the importance of my being here in Pune during my brother’s visit. If I had been communicating, right now, with a For-Profit organization I probably would not have raised this issue, not expecting them to understand the importance of human connections. It is because I am communicating with an NGO that I realize the importance of these connections will be understood. My brother’s visit gives me very little free time. The problem here is that I feel this interview is vital and I will need to prepare for it. In this regard I was wondering if it would inconvenience the members of the Intern & Volunteer Coordination Team if the meeting could be scheduled for the next week? I intend to make the best of an opportunity to interact with people at Saathi (even if it ends up being just a single interaction). It would be great to know what you feel about this. I hope to be changed by my experiences with Saathi, I hope to learn and it would be great if this connection we are creating could be symbiotic.

Thanking you,

Yours faithfully,

Nishant

P.S. I comprehend your initial reasons for not giving me feedback on my meetings with Nanda ma’am, but now that we (Saathi and I) are attempting to connect I’d just like to mention that I would be glad if I could still get some guidance. Thank you.

***an email which stated a request for a meeting at Saathi.

Other Issues

         I have a little doubt. I planned to give Nanda ma’am and Nilesh some sweets & prints of a few of the photos of them that I had taken for Diwali. The issue is that, like I mentioned before, the whole point of this exercise is to get them to understand that no charity is involved here. They need to give back (just by showing interest) in order to receive. So then should I or shouldn’t I give them those things. Well that depends on whether the gesture will be looked at as an act of charity or just as a part of my wished to them for Diwali. I want it to be solely the latter.

         As far as their showing me interest is concerned, Nanda ma’am has stepped up to the plate. She talks quite eagerly, and had even asked me to have dinner with them the day I had visited. Nilesh on the other hand isn’t showing interest. But am I expecting a little too much out of an eleven year old. When I was at their home, he came around a couple of times, and refused to look at me while talking to me. However, that didn’t hinder conversation between all of us. Nilesh, however, continued to show complete refusal to meet me. (He was quite willing to visit my house to learn on the computer, but not without his friends). We’ll have to see where this goes. I wonder how I can manipulate (manage may be a better word) the situation, so that he wishes to come.

The Comfort Zone

               It’s been quite some time since my last post. There are certain issues that need sorting out. I’d like to make it clear that we are not at a complete standstill when it comes to Nanda ma’am. I met her again on the 13th at her home. Her mother and Nilesh were also present. There was some clear evidence of how her formal and not-so-comfortable behavior in my presence was beginning to die down. To explain this I guess I need to rewind the story by a few days and play it out for all the readers. After we had planned a visit to Nilesh’s school (which never materialized) all communication stopped once again for a couple of days. Since a lot of all this is an exercise in making both Nanda ma’am and Nilesh understand that nothing in life comes for free, and that they need to give, in order to get, I decided not to call them and wait for her to call. She needed to show some interest.

            That call never really came. She did however, talk to Roabin, after which I gave her a call. Our conversations from here on took on a lighter tone. There was a lot more laughing and giggling. She had this epiphany of sorts that she could make jokes and take jabs at both Roabin and me and fear no admonishment - it would all be taken in good humor. And hence she started having fun with her conversations.  We rescheduled a visit and I went to her home to meet her and her ailing mother. I still remember how during my first visit Nanda ma’am refused to sit at the same level I was sitting at, despite my insistence, and chose to sit on the floor instead. This time around, her mother (who met me for the first time) behaved in a similar manner, but Nanda ma'am didn’t. She didn’t mind sitting at the same level. Now, to my eyes that's a step in the forward direction!!

Letter to Valerie (dated 8th Oct '09)

Dear Valerie,

                     Before I go ahead with my clarifications I’d just like to say how grateful I am to you for giving me so much of your time. I realize that you really do not have to do so. Therefore, I thank you for being so considerate.

                      You mentioned that the minimum period for the internship is three months when I said that I would have time up to the end of November. My response, through the form, was that I had been receiving intensive training and learning right from the 25th of August with the help of a founder member of the organization. It was however then clearly stated that this did not mean that I was interning with Saathi. But the fact remains that I was and still am receiving unique training. I began meeting an 11 year old from a slum viz. Nilesh and his mother very early on in the training process. I know that all of this, as you said, was not done by going through the formal channels. An exceptional experience is taking place nonetheless. Although Saathi doesn’t have any current projects in Pune, I know that it is currently debating the issue of starting projects in other places as well. This would be a great place to learn how. As for the regular interaction you have mentioned, I would love to take part in any such interaction, both face-to-face and otherwise. I am not attempting to discount the value of face-to-face interaction; however I believe a lot of interaction will be possible everyday by way of telephonic conversations. I am also willing to make visits to Mumbai as and when necessary to ensure that face-to -face interaction does take place. I would also like to mention here that I have been receiving a great deal of supervision and mentorship over the past 45 days from Roabin who has played this role many times over for a large number of Saathi’s staff as well as interns in the past and continues to do so even now. Roabin tells me how he himself has learnt so much from Saathi and this is the reason why I wanted to bring Saathi into the picture too.

                        On the money issue, I’d like to reiterate that I will not require to be reimbursed for expenses that are made while I am in Pune. Accommodation and transport within Pune are not issues for me. I hope I do not come across as arrogant, but I did not understand how never having done something (paying interns for transport) becomes a reason for never starting to do so when genuine issues present themselves.

                        Although making a compromise and deciding to volunteer instead of asking for a full fledged internship is interesting, I believe it would be like asking me to make a choice between what I think is right and what I think is easy. As per my understanding, volunteering would involve me giving limited time to the organization as per its requirement. Unlike an internship, volunteering would not be mutually beneficial or a mutual learning experience. I once again request that you accept the applicant information form and put it under consideration.

Thanking you,

Yours faithfully,

Nishant Philip

P.S. - I would also like to reiterate the questions pertaining to my blog. I truly fail to understand why I am told that my blogposts are often inaccurate and inappropriate which throws me into a state of confusion over the matter, and yet I am not even given a hint as to what Saathi believes I ought to do to maintain accuracy. I have been pleading for simple suggestion for a long time now. I have been told that it’s a risk that Saathi is unwilling to take. I don’t understand this as well because I am not asking people to give me orders, just suggestions. Why the caution, when the final decision for any actions taken would be mine?

Letter to Valerie (dated 6th Oct '09)

Dear Valerie,

                     I’m writing letter this with reference to my email to you on the 23rd of September 2009. Through that email I had promised to send you the completed application form ASAP. I apologize for not having done so. Since you had said the form would only be considered after the 10th of October I made an unwise decision to delay the task. Once again I apologize for displaying my naïveté in this regard.

                     I just received firm admonishment from Roabin for the same reasons, which got me quite worried. However, having administered the said admonishment, he told me that you would have anticipated this situation and that you would, in all probability, have already considered putting the issue of my internship on the agenda for your next meeting. I do promise to send you the completed form by the end of tomorrow.

Thanking you,

Yours sincerely,

Nishant Philip

Letter to Valerie (dated 23rd Sep '09)

Dear Valerie,

                  I understand if you want individual communication to remain individual. As per your wishes none of your future responses to my emails will be posted on the blog. My viewpoint was that the posting of any communication between us would give blog readers a clear idea as to how my relationship with the people at Saathi developed and make the blog all the more interesting. One of the main purposes of this blog is to bring to light to everyday people how they could contribute to, or relate with, an organisation like Saathi. I believe that the internet is a formidable medium to connect with people, especially the youth. I simply wanted to use that to our advantage.

                 

                  However, I still request you to accept my blog invitation and put up anything you like on the blog. I believe your contributions and suggestions would be invaluable.

 

                  I apologize for the usage of the words "thereby with Saathi". I was under the impression that that is what my internship with Roabin meant. I will try in the future not to so display my naïveté. I do promise to look through the application form and send it across ASAP.

Thanking you,

Yours faithfully,

Nishant

With reference to my previous letter to Valerie - http://nishantvp.blogspot.com/2009/09/to-valerie_23.html

An Update

Sorry for the delay. Weekends, birthdays and Deutsche classes came up. I had a telephonic conversation with Nanda ma’am on Friday, and we then thought of ways to proceed with the entire situation. Like I mentioned in my previous blog-post, we realized that there were a range of new problems obstructing our way forward. (The usage of the word “new” is probably incorrect as these problems were always there; it’s just that they have now been made visible for us to see. Understanding this is crucial as it tells us that there may be other underlying problems of which we are still unaware.)

We decided that I would visit Nilesh’s school along with her for a start and then move on to other things. However, Roabin wishes for me to pay all my attention towards connecting with Nanda ma’am as he believes directing my efforts towards Nilesh will not bear any fruit due to the erratic behavior he displayed not too long ago. Connecting with Nanda ma’am and giving Nilesh “the ignore”, may actually lead to him desiring more attention, and if that were to happen then we would, all the 3 of us, have this great connection. However, Nanda ma’am herself seems quite reluctant to move in this direction. She hasn’t really said this, but one can easily understand from certain words and gestures. She wants to move forward using Nilesh as the focus of attention. She doesn’t really know how to connect with me and probably feels awkward about it. However, she is not alone in feeling this way. Earlier we had common ground in Nilesh. She was his mother and I was the person trying to connect with him. Now when that “common ground” is removed we have to develop a completely new understanding of how we communicate with each other…